The Second Installment

As the sun slowly sinks west of the caravanserai of Hotan on the south edge of the vast Taklamakan desert, the party bemusedly examines the old cloth map Markku has acquired from the lamas at the local dzong, now firmly closed up for the night.

Everyone suddenly realizes Håkon is missing. Where did he go?

Markku casts a spell to locate “the place of Håkon” and is pointed to a place far, far to the northwest. Like, Sweden. The party returns to town and checks the bar, where the barkeep informs them that he is out of booze thanks to their buddy. In confusion, the party returns to the cart and patient ox standing in the middle of town, discovering Håkon passed out in the back. Maiyn quickly “checks” Håkon’s pockets and finds no gold. It seems Håkon has despaired at the loss of the trade goods entrusted to him by his family, and blown the rest of the expedition budget drinking himself into a stupor.

The party now debates what to do. Markku slightly favors pursing the thieves, who were last seen as a cloud of dust disappearing to the south. Maiyn questions whether the party should even follow the goods. The question is resolved by divine intervention, as a thunderstorm, complete with lightning bolts, suddenly appears from the north, pushing the group south. So south it is.

Passing through rolling hills devoid of most vegetation, accompanied by the thunderous snores of Håkon, after several days the party starts to climb up a gully to what appears to be a pass or saddle. After a time there seems to be a rock right in the middle of the saddle. A few minutes later, it seems to be a bush. Finally it becomes clear that the saddle contains a monk in yellow robes sitting in lotus position with his back to the party.

Maiyn and Åsker quickly decide to let Markku make contact. Markku politely circles at a distance until he is in front of the monk, who turns out to be fully aware of the party’s approach. Indeed, he has been waiting for them. Håkon finally awakens from his bender. What a hangover!

Far below the far side of the pass a large battle – or a small skirmish, depending on the sort of war you are used to – is in progress on a flat area of the valley floor. Some 300 monks contend. Over what is not clear.

Interrogated, the monk in the pass reveals his name to be Oma. Oma has seen a raiding party pass through the saddle into the valley, only to be set upon by rivals. Some four factions contend below, over what Oma is not sure. He is, however, sure they are all heretics. Oma himself is a Gelugpa lama. He is a complete pacifist, and wears a yellow hat. He thinks the raiding party were Bön. He is not sure who the others were.

The battle reaches a climax with explosions and flying monks, and suddenly separates into four streams of monks leaving the battlefield. Each seems to be moving something at the front, while some of their monks form a rear guard. They each exit the valley by a different pass, generally heading southeast, south or southwest.

Nothing loathe, the party descends from the pass and loots the battlefield, collecting arrows, bolts and coins. Magic detection is cast, and remnants of magic use are detected, but no magic items. A broken hand drum is the most magical of the non-magic items found. Oma finds the scrabbling for coins amusing, remarking that the party has a fortune in plain sight and should have no need for gold.

Seeing the battle is over, the locals emerge from their hovels at the end of the valley and being looting the corpses scattered over their barley fields. Prodded by the party, Oma learns that each of the departing sects carried something. The blue-hatted Bön (about which there is confusion for some time, over whether their hats are blue or white, mostly caused by the GM) carried two short round things. Another group carried one short round thing. The third carried three long round things. The last, ah, the peasants could not see what the last carried, something small, apparently, but clearly something.

The party eventually decides to travel to the main monastery of the blue-hatted Bön, and sets off on a long trip across the vast Tibetan high plateau, covered in barley fields and scattered brush.

As they get closer to the apparent location of the Bön monastery (helpfully outlined in blue on Markku’s map), the party starts to be annoyed by nighttime visitors. Hearing someone messing with the wagon, Åsker calls “who’s there”, resulting in the visitor simply running away into the night. Åsker, Ludde and Maiyn chase the trail into the night, Ludde doing most of the work with his nose, and lose it. As they seek to return to camp, Markku decides to douse the fire. Maiyn lies in ambush while Åsker and Ludde return to camp.

After a time, Maiyn sees two figures approaching, but quickly recognizes Åsker and Ludde, who have walked in a circle. Markku finally rekindles the fire back at camp and the party is reunited.

The next night, Håkon is on guard when a thief succeeds in stealing some of the provisions.

The next night, it is Åsker’s turn on watch again. This time when he hears noises from the cart, he sneaks around the back and tackles the thief. A fight ensues, but Åsker holds firm and the thief is taken.

Interrogated by Oma, the thief is revealed to be an itinerant Bön monk who seeks to steal food for the mother monastery. As Oma explains with some contempt, the Bön, called the “eaters,” believe that the world will come to an end if they can present the all-devouring dragon who lives in the navel of the world at the Kang Rinpoche with a food it cannot eat. (Apparently the logical inconsistency of an all-devouring dragon being unable to eat something will cause a logic fault reboot of the world.)

Oma explains that this is quite silly, as the true end of the world will occur when the Great Mandala has turned the proper number of revolutions, as all good Gelugpa know, and no dragon is needed.

However, the Bön roam the world seeking new types of inedible food to present to the dragon in great yearly festivals, in the hopes that one day they will succeed in ending the world.

Searched, the thief is found to have a broken slate tablet with runes inscribed. Markku deciphers them to say:

Secret!

For Ivar Snorrison in Ch…

1 keg Akav..

2 keg Lut..

6 logs

1 shad…

Håkon recognizes Ivar as the uncle his shipment was intended for.

The party ties up the Bön monk, tosses him in the back of the cart, and continues south. The monk starts to chant. The chanting bothers Maiyn, who gags the monk. The monk now hums his chant. Maiyn knocks him unconscious. Through the day, whenever the monk regains consciousness, he starts to hum again, and is knocked out for his efforts. Finally, Håkon gets a bit overzealous and the monk is silenced forever. Maiyn disposes of the evidence by getting Ludde to eat the body. Oma approves, as this is similar to the local custom of sky burial. For a pacifist, Oma seems unmoved by the violence of the world around him.

The road now enters a valley and climbs along the valley side to a pass occupied by a fortress (dzong). In the morning the party hears the Tibetan horns from the fortress, and sees the blue prayer flags flapping in the dawn.

The party boldly marches up to the fortress in the pass. After some initial confusion, it turns out that the officer in charge speaks Common. When Markku (who’s Common is only somewhat better than his Tibetan) reveals that the party brings foreign food for the mother Dzong, the captain summons up an “escort” of six spearmen, who form up behind the party, slope arms, and “encourage” the party in the correct direction.

That evening, after a whispered conference, Maiyn slips into the shadows, sneaks up behind one of the two guards on watch, and inserts a shortsword neatly into the guard’s ribs. A short, vicious fight ensues. Åsker nails one with a crossbow bolt. Markku claims two in his uncouth Finnish sort of way. Håkon squishes one with his hammer. Ludde sits on the last one, crushing the breath out of him. The party is congratulating themselves when Markku inexplicable heals the one Ludde was sitting on, and does such a good job of it that the spearman leaps to his feet and runs away into the darkness. If not for Maiyn’s expertly hurled dagger, the gaff would have been most stridently blown.

The guards have no loot, alas. Their spears turn out to be made of bundled reeds. After some debate, the party decides Ludde can’t eat them all, and rolls them down the mountainside for the vultures to find.

The party is now eager to leave the scene of the crime, but the ox is not. A test of strength ensues between Håkon and the ox. Håkon generally wins, but is so busy dragging the ox that one cart wheel goes off the road, and the cart is nearly pitched to its doom. The party drags the cart back on to the road and camps for the night.

In the morning, the party sees that it is climbing to another pass, and another dzong. This dzong sees the vultures and doubles the guard. The party decides to bluff its way past. It enters the pass with Markku in front, Maiyn and Håkon in the next rank, the cart, with Oma sitting in lotus position and chanting, which he has been doing ever since Bön territory was entered, followed by Ludde and Åsker. Steep stone ridges rise from either side of the pass. The dzong sits on the left side, squeezing the roadway against the far wall of the pass. An officer and six spearmen have formed up at the far end of the dzong. The party marches up to the officer.

Markku: “We bring food for mother Dzong.”

Officer: “Where is your escort?”

Markku: “Food, for Dzong.”

Officer: “WHERE IS YOUR ESCORT?”

Markku: “Food from far away.”

Officer: Whacks Markku, and the fight is on.

Under a hail of bows and rocks from the troops lining the wall of the dzong, Åsker and Ludde have problems coming to grips with the spear line at the front. Ludde climbs over Oma while Åsker takes cover at the far side of the cart. Maiyn hides in the shadow of the fort wall. Markku is hewn down, healed up and hewn down yet again. Håkon is frozen in place by a Bön shaman, and poked with spears from a respectful distance. Ludde and Åsker both start to look like pincushions. Maiyn’s attempt to shadow jump to the ridge above the fort just barely fails. Sensing the absence of a foe, one of the shamans casts light on the pass, and Maiyn is revealed skulking against the fort wall.

Things were not looking good for the party. Just then, one of those strange pauses that happens in battle happens. A loooong strange pause. Almost as thought time itself was frozen for, say, a week.

Markku gets going

In the name of Perkunas, I go forth into to this barren land, with imbecile comrades. Perkunas sent them to me, or me to them, so who am I to question the Thunderer? Nevertheless, my idiot comrades cannot speak the Musical Tongue of Finland; they cannot read or write; they seem to be unaware of the Joy of Cloudberries. They are distracted by the miserable little flies of Asia. When I summoned a Cloud of Mosquitos to entertain everyone in the pub at Astrakhan, why, they seemed to be distressed!

Oh Perkunas!
Velut Lunatics!
Statue of Vegetables!
Simpering Cretins!
Eat their Croissants!
Bleep the depressed Habilis!

What a piece of work is Maiyn, how callow in reason, how infinite in duplicity, infirm and slovenly, how depressed and abominable! Inaction, how like a couch potato! An ape reprehensible, how unlike a god.

Now, the Bear, called Ludde, seems not to be as stupid as the rest. And our charming ox has crocheted me a very fine sweater while the rest were swatting mosquites.

The tea with yak milk was very nice.

The First Installment

Our story starts in Ivar’s tavern in Astrakhan, where Håkan the Dwarf seeks escorts for a voyage to Khitai. Håkan makes the mistake of starting with Maiyn, an evil looking elf with a surly personality. New to the job, Håkan’s usual approach does not go over well with Maiyn, who first issues the usual elven insults to Dwarves, then adds injury to insult by picking Håkan’s pocket to make a point (and grab some cash). Frustrated for a comeback, Håkan turns his attention to Markku, a Finnish wizard. Communication through a low pass filter results in an apparent commitment for Markku to travel along with Håkan.

For no apparent reason, Markku decides to cast Blur on Maiyn. Three copies of Maiyn appear. Confused, Maiyn hides in the shadows – and his copies disappear too. Suitably amazed, Håkan now talks to the only other person in the room, Åsker. (Håkan has recognized Åsker’s drinking buddy, Ludde-Bjorn, as a bear rather than a large hairy Viking.) Åsker bargains for money. Håkan claims poverty. Ludde-Bjorn persuades Åsker to go along with a not-very-subtle elbow in the ribs.

Feeling less confused, Maiyn re-emerges from the shadows. Markku buys him a beer. Markku tries to cast Blur to confuse Ivar about the cost of the beer, but fails. Maiyn eventually agrees to go along with Håkan for a full quiver of arrows and an armor upgrade.

At this point Åsker decides to try to steal some steaks from the bar for Ludde. Unfortunately, he does not fool Ivar the Barkeep for a second. Ivar grabs Åsker by the scruff of the neck. Maiyn thinks about stealing something in the confusion. Ivar backhands Maiyn across the room. Markku casts Cloud of Mosquitoes, and everyone starts to slap at them. Ivar uses Åsker to slap with. Ludde hears “steak” and comes to his feet roaring. Ivar calls for Sven the Bouncer, whose entrance makes the small bar a lot smaller. Sven starts to fight with Ludde. Håkan smashes a table to try to stop things from getting out of hand. Ivar has had enough fun, now his bar is getting damaged, so he tosses Åsker into the street and grabs Håkan, to shake out the cost of his table. Markku wisely leaves. Maiyn decides he probably won’t be able to steal anything and leaves. Ivar tosses Håkan into the street. Sven tosses Ludde on top of everybody, distributing bruises, and the door slams behind them.

The party adjourns to a nearby Fletcher, who, having heard the commotion at the bar, is only willing to deal with the party through his spyhole. Maiyn objects to pre-payment, however, assuming that the Fletcher will steal the money because, well, because that’s what Maiyn would do. So the party leaves low on ammo.

Returning to Ivar’s the party goes around to the stable at the back and finds a cart with an attached Ox. The cart contains a large bundle covered with a tarpaulin. The tarp is tied down with multiple ropes, well knotted. Each knot is seals with purple wax. Someone does not want people looking into the bundle. Åsker immediately tries to peek, but is foiled by the elaborate bindings.

Purchasing an arbitrary amount of Adventurer-Chow™ and camping gear, the party gets ready to go. Markku announces he will visit the shrine of Perkunas, a sacred hill some five miles north of town. He promises to return in three hours. Twelve hours later the party is tired of waiting for Markku and leaves without him.

Later that night Håkan is on watch when hears a noise in the darkness. Muttering is coming from that direction. Ludde wakes up roaring. Markku decides to enlighten the situation by casting Light. Unfortunately, he botches the spell. The entire camp is plunged into darkness, despite the well-tended campfire. Blundering about in the dark has potential, but Markku aborts the impending friendly fire incident by shouting out his name, and the party is reunited.

The party now travels east on the busy Silk Road, passing through Bokhara (where Maiyn discovers that it is hard to conceal a stolen rug), Samarkand, and Kashgar before emerging onto the plain of the vast Taklamakan desert. Here the Silk Road divides. Markku reads his runes and the party turns right.

With the desert on the left and foothills leading to mountains on the right, the party is nearing the caravanserai of Hotan when they are jumped by bandits from the hills. Interestingly, the bandit leader goes not for a party member but slashes at the tarp covering the load. He is assisted by Ludde-Bjorn. Riding in the cart, Ludde stands to swat at the bandit leader and slips on the load, falling backwards off the cart, ripping the tarp off further and landing on Maiyn, who has crawled mostly under the cart unsuccessfully seeking a shadow to hide in.

Meanwhile, Åsker has collected an arrow and traded swats with a rider. Markku has cast Cloud of Mosquitoes on a shaman and also traded swats with a rider, much to Markku’s disadvantage. Håkan nails a rider on the side of the head, knocking him off his horse. Two other riders are disabled in the confusion.

The drumming that heralded the attack now changes in tone, and the leader, bowmen and Shaman make for the hills. The party sees a figure in yellow or reddish robes at the top of the hill who appears to float away from them and disappear. The surviving bandits get away clear. The loose horses also follow their stablemates into the hill.

Maiyn emerges from under the cart and sets about industriously killing unconscious bandits and robbing their corpses. It’s not a big haul. Too bad no one thought to talk with them first.

The party gathers around the newly revealed cargo they have been employed to escort to Khitai. There are two casks marked with the rune Laguz, and one with the rune Ansuz. There are also six logs, each eight feet long, six inches in diameter, debarked, of the best Swedish pine. Confused by the absence of heaps of gold and jewels, the party trundles off to Hotan and adjourns to a bar, all except Markku, who elects to stand next to the cart and commune with Perkunas.

Markku is dragged out of his communing by a *pouf* sound. He opens his eyes to a brown world. It is so brown that he cannot see the cart, which was five feet from him. He hears the patter of many bare feet and scraping sounds, as of things being dragged. Laying about his with his staff, Markku makes contact with something that yelps, then takes off running after the foot-noises until he runs headlong into a building.

After a time, the brown color starts to fade. The outlines of buildings become visible. The party emerges from the bar to find an empty cart, a placid Ox, and a despondent Markku. Maiyn jumps to the logical conclusion (for Maiyn) that Markku has stolen the cart contents. The party is on the verge of going headlong after the brown cloud, receding into the mountains to the south. However, Thoden the barkeep persuades them to visit the Dzong, or fort, at the outskirts of town.

At the Dzong, the party finds two lamas sitting on the front porch. The forbid Maiyn, Åsker or Håkan from entry. Their demeanor is sufficiently intimidating that Maiyn, for example, does not force the issue. Markku arrives and is recognized as a fellow religious type by the lamas. Markku gets to sit on the porch, drink tea with yak butter, and make conversation. He discovers that the brown cloud is a Tibetan magic feat performed with tsampa, or barley flour. When he offers the monks a birch twig from his staff, the monks return the gift with a piece of cloth with a faded map.

As the sun sets, the monks roll up their mats and retreat into the Dzong, closing and barring the door, and marking the end of the first installment of Vikings in Tibet.

Update on characters:

John has agreed just now to play the role of Markku, a Finnish Wizard.

Zac will be playing the role of Asker, a human ranger with a pet bear named Ludde. (I wonder if Ludde-Bjorn might not be more appropriate.)

Andy has reluctantly retired Grimlok and will play the role of Maiyn, an Elven Shadow Dancer.

Laura appears to be keeping her powder dry.

See you all Sunday at 5:00.

Vikings in Tibet

Here is a place where we can document the creative and adventuresome gewandering of several hapless travellers who find themselves untimely ripped from the bosom of fairest Scandinavia and planted square into the utter reaches of Thibet --- or at least what fitful fever grips the brow of our fiendish GM.

This adventure is based upon the previous fevered musings of AKP and MGM at UTK, who have quite sensibly grown out of this by now. But we'll feel free to drag their names through the feeble remains of our efforts. And be grateful for their creative spark.