Installment the Fourth

Chokpa Rinpoche turns into a narrow defile west of Mount Kailash, the Navel of the World, riding with five minions, the end of the world, perhaps, in the kegs of lutefisk they carry.

The party, loyal Ox towing the cart, turns up-valley in slow pursuit, tumbling Oma’s arrow-studded corpse to the ground to await an informal sky burial. As dusk falls, so does the snow, coming on to a massive blizzard. Urged forward by a maniacal Maiyn (what has gotten in to that elf?) Håkon, Åsker, Ludde and Maiyn forge ahead at high speed while Markku stays with Ox (and Osbald, the blue guy tied up in the bed). Markku soon loses sight of his companions in the blizzard, and contents himself with prayers to Perkunas.

Realizing that they are not gaining on Chokpa, Maiyn talks a trusting Håkon into using the flying drum to scout forward. Håkon will use his infravision to see in the dark. It’s a good theory but goes awry when Håkon, successfully airborne, discovers that the blizzard has created a white out and all his infravision can see is white. Nothing daunted, Håkon speeds forward until he smashes into the valley side. Persistent, if unwise, Håkon caroms from valley side to valley side.

Running out of mana, Håkon crashes to the ground and starts to make his way back to where he thinks Maiyn and Åsker might be. Resting, Håkon hears stealthy steps in the snow, and spots a couple of vaguely human figures dressed all in white crossing the slopes above him. Håkon trails the figures until they turn up slope and disappear into the blowing snow.

Meanwhile, Maiyn, Åsker and Ludde heard muffled hoofbeats. Åsker knew from the hoofbeats that it was an enraged yak. The beast materializes out of the blinding snow running at full yak speed and butts Maiyn 10 feet through the air onto his backside. Ludde is the first to land a blow on the white-colored yak, and gouges long furrows in the ice frozen into the yak’s hairy hide. The party realizes the grim truth – it is an ice yak, armored with thick ice formed by repeated wetting and freezing.

The yak makes multiple passes at the party, randomly attacking party members. Åsker makes a remarkable shot with his crossbow, putting his last bolt in one of the yak’s eyes. It only seems to make him mad. Or madder.

On the valley side wall, Håkon has faintly heard the thumps of yak-beats and the sounds of battle. He whips his war hammer high and charges towards the noise. As a dark shape looms out of the blowing snow, Håkon swings a mighty stroke! Startled, Åsker ducks out of the way and Håkon realizes he has fortunately missed pulping the head of his fellow adventurer.

Ludde succeeds in his second attempt to jump on the back of the yak, clawing and tearing from his post. Håkon makes amends for his mistake with Åsker by landing a tremendous blow on the flank of the yak, sending cracks in the icy armor from the face of his hammer.

Ludde gets greedy and tries to throw the yak by leaning out to one side. This allows his claws to slip and Ludde falls off. The yak decides to stay and trample the poor bear. Ludde claws at the yak’s ice-encased legs while the others beat on its sides. At the end, even Markku, who has been flinging light spells into the sky, arrives for the kill.

Markku’s arrival is also somewhat exciting, as he has botched a light spell and arrives in the midst of a total blackout. Fortunately, he too is unsuccessful in his attempt to slaughter Håkon.

Exhausted, the party elects to camp at the kill site, over Maiyn’s objections. Disgruntled, Maiyn skins the yak and rolls in the hide to sleep. He chooses the hairy side, which is also the icy side, but is so tired he is soon out.

Markku checks the yak carcass for magic, discovering something faint in the skull. It ends up in the wagon.

Markku, after some divine inspiration, builds a Finnish snow cave in which he and the rest of the party snooze in comfortable silence.

The next morning dawns bright and clear. Four or five feet of snow covers the valley. Up ahead, Chokpa and his minions struggle up a steep ridge crest towards the summit of Mount Kailash. The party hastens forward, Maiyn running on top of the snow, as befits an elf, while Ludde breaks trail and Håkon plows through the snow. Åsker, Markku and the Ox bring up the rear. Impatient with the slow pace, Markku seizes the flying drum and starts to ascend – only to realize that the drum does not climb very well. Fortunately Markku realizes this before he gets too high or uses too much mana.

Two odd things happen as the party climbs towards what is now clearly a saddle between two high peaks of the mighty mountain. First, two distant figures appear on the far side of the valley, well away from the where Ox and wagon have been abandoned. Second, clouds start to form on the distant horizon. The weather changes quickly in the mountains, but perhaps not so quickly as when a magic user has spotted his pursuers. Soon the party, separated into two groups, is climbing in a white out.

Maiyn and Ludde are the first to reach the saddle. Warned by some sixth sense, Maiyn is able to spring the ambush prematurely. Three swordsmen with shields burst out of snowdrifts to attack Maiyn and Ludde. Maiyn immediately casts Dark, to take advantage of his blind-fighting skills, and succeeds. Ludde, in the act of charging a swordsman, is disconcerted when the light goes out and charges right across the tiny saddle and over the edge on the far side, rolling down the slope in the deep new snow roaring and flailing.

Maiyn survives the blackout, and also his failure on the next blackout, and is eventually joined by the entire party. The swordsmen acquit themselves valiantly (despite accusations of cheating, their rolls were both fortunate and honest) and beat Ludde and Markku to the ground. Healed, they spring up and resume the fight. No such succor awaits the swordsmen, who perish one by one, valiantly defending their master.

The party races up the final pitch, following Chokpa’s steps to the summit. Maiyn is the first to emerge from the clouds – finding a bare summit. Where is Chokpa! He is over on the other summit, holding a keg of lutefisk in front of a large, quizzical, winged dragon! Maiyn in his haste has been duped by a false trail! Chokpa appears to be performing some sort of ceremony. Maiyn quickly persuades a gullible Håkon to fly over using the flying drum and smash the keg of lutefisk.

Håkon’s flight catches the dragon’s attention. Markku casts blur, creating multiple Håkons. The dragon bats at all of them with its mighty wing, causing the imitations to pop out of existence and Håkon to tumble off his line. The dragon casts a careful, suspicious look at Markku across the sea of clouds separating the two peaks, then turns its attention back to the lutefisk. It now looks hungry but cautious.

Maiyn suddenly raises his hands and a towering cylinder of roaring flame leaps into existence around Chokpa and his lutefisk keg. The cylinder reaches from the peak to the sky. Chokpa is trapped within.

Markku chooses this moment to hurl the Instant Sauna spell at the dragon. Unharmed, but annoyed, the dragon launches into the air and with slow, powerful sweeps of his wings, flies over to the party’s peak and snatches Markku away while the rest of the party looks on dumbfounded by this unintended plot departure. Markku and the dragon flap away into the distance.

Led by an indefatigable Maiyn, the party descends to the saddle, to find a full Ludde happily cradling the second keg of lutefisk – now an empty keg of lutefisk – that he has dug out of one of the snowdrifts in the saddle.

Ascending to the true summit, the party finds Chokpa sitting in his circle of fire meditating on the lutefisk keg set before him. The charred bones of his two acolytes mark the places where they attempted to pass through the fire.

Stealthily drawing his short sword, Maiyn walks fearlessly into the circle, which promply vanishes. Before Chokpa can react, Maiyn has driven his sword deep into the old man’s unprotected back, killing him. In his last words, Chokpa claims that as long as the lutefisk exists, the Bön will find it and bring the world to an end.

Maiyn smashes in the end of the keg and begins to each the vile glabrous stuff with both hands. One would not think an elf of his stature could hold as much lutefisk as fits in a fair-sized keg, even assuming an elf would demean himself to be within a mile of the stuff, but Maiyn’s gluttony is an all-devouring flame, until the last bit is licked from the inside of the keg. Then Maiyn collapses into the snow with a baffled look on his face.

It takes Håkon and Åsker some time to realize that Maiyn is somewhat more confused than even someone who just polished off a whole keg of lutefisk should be. A strange tale emerges in fits and starts. Killed in the fight at the pass with the fort, Maiyn woke up reincarnated in the Bön Dzong cell with his mind possessed by the Norse God Loki, the trickster. Loki, the Trickster, the Fire God, and winner of numerous eating contests, has been sent by the Æsir to prevent the end of the world. The circle of flame was Loki’s, not Maiyn’s, and the urgency Maiyn has displayed was divine impatience. With the lutefisk destroyed, the end of the world is not longer nigh, and Loki has returned to Valhalla, where a hot Valkyrie or two await him.

The party has triumphed! The world is safe! --- Or is it?

The Third Installment

Or two weeks. Then the action furiously resumes.

Åsker heals Markku, who pops up only to be spitted again by a spearman. Håkon, battling valiantly, is overwhelmed by four opponents and goes down, but not without leaving marks on the opposition. Maiyn, visible in the pitiless sunlight flooding the pass, is spitted by an onrushing spearman, skewered by arrows and thumped by rocks, and goes down.

Åsker, with Ludde close behind, exercises the better part of valor and decamp unpursued.

The next day, Åsker returns to the pass. A single guardsman stands desultory watch on the corner of the Dzong. Åsker dispatches the guard with one swift bolt. Scouting his way carefully into the pass, Åsker discovers that the fort is (now) unmanned, but the door is tightly closed. On the other side of the pass Åsker sees a broad valley with a large castle on a peak across the way. Many saffron-robed monks travel the roads leading to and from the castle.

Åsker forms a cunning plan, which is to walk along the road until he meets a monk, have Ludde sit on the monk and steal his robes and hat. This works until he meets a second monk, who addresses Åsker in Tibetan, which language Åsker does not, alas speak. After disposing of the corpus, Åsker takes to the brush and makes his way slowly up to the castle.

Meanwhile, our other heroes awaken in a dungeon cell. It is whitewashed rock with a long, narrow windows high in the wall, from whence comes enough light to see a wizened blue personage sitting in a corner of the cell. This person turns out to be Osbald, from an island far to the northwest. Osbald explains the situation. The Bön seek to end the world, so it can be recreated with the Bön on top. They believe that they can do this by feeding the dragon in the Navel of the World a food the dragon will not eat. Something about a logic fault reset. Anyway, to qualify as food, it must be something that people eat. So the Bön collect rare and disgusting foods, and see if people will eat them. They do this by locking people in cells until they are very very hungry and then providing “dinner.” Osbald recites a long list of disgusting foods he has eaten recently.

Nauseated by the gustatory desecration, Markku decides it is time to leave. Reasoning that heat will make the iron softer, and thus easier for Håkon to smash open, he casts his Sauna spell, causing the iron door to heat to the perfect temperature for making steam from dripping water. As this is considerably less than the melting point of iron, it serves mainly to attract the attention of the jailers. Indeed, a “yeouch!” and muffled cursing in Tibetan tell Markku that he has inconvenienced a guard.

Much thumping and jangling from the corridor and the cell door is unlocked and pulled open to reveal an impressive array of spearpoints. Powerful magic is wrought in the corridor. Markku discovers that he has no mana.

Enter an impressive array of heavily armed guards followed by a stately important personage. The personage introduces himself as Chokpa Rinpoche. Acolytes hustle in an open barrel of a glabrous cloudy white substance that sets Osbald cowering in a corner. Chokpa asks if anyone will eat the stuff. Markku steps forward and does his best to pretend that he actually enjoys the prospect. As an acolyte offers a mercifully small plate to Markku, Maiyn leaps across the cell to smash the plate into the dirt – whereupon his fish-belly white body is impaled by six different spearmen and he peacefully takes his place on the floor and offers no further objections to the proceedings.

Markku recovers the white stuff from the floor. Chokpa offers Markku his magic flask. Markku pours out a dram for Chokpa and one for himself. They each toss back the liqueur, and then Markku places a small amount of the white foodstuff in his mouth. Every eye is on him as he pauses for dramatic effect and then swallows. The crowd winces in sympathy.

Chokpa announces that he cares nothing for treasure, and that the party will be released into what’s left of the world in two days, hah hah hah. The keg is recapped and hurried out of the cell. The door slams, the lock turns, and the crowd noise recedes down the corridor. From the window come the sounds of many people and horses leaving. Then things quiet down.

Markku insists that the cellmates stand watch. As dawn sends its rosy fingers through the cell window, the party awakes. Håkon rushes the door while Markku casts a spell in support. Håkon’s bulging thews smash the bars and locks holding the door closed and slam the door all the way open to crash against the wall. Håkon himself stumbles across the corridor into a wall on the other side. Maiyn takes a quick look around the hallway. To one side, more doors, including one at the end of the hall. To the other side, three very surprised spearmen trying to get organized.

Maiyn slips into the shadows. Håkon seized one of the broken bars from the cell door. Markku Peens two of the guards while Håkon and Maiyn combine to do in the third.

The guardroom yields three spears, two daggers and a ring of keys. A “Detect Magic” spell reveals a dusty, but intact magic hand drum. The party dresses in monk’s robes, or at least Håkon and Maiyn do. Markku will play the role of prisoner. The interior cells are too dark to see into. Markku overdoes a light spell, and intense light streams from around the edges of the cell door and through the peephole, too bright to look into. The party gives up checking cells. The door at the far end of the hallway opens on a stair that leads down to a huge courtyard in the center of the castle. In the middle of the courtyard is a familiar looking Ox, patiently standing attached to an ox cart, in which sits Oma, meditating. Inside the cart are the party’s goods, arms and armor. Chokpa indeed sees little use for these material things. Oma identifies the drum as a flying drum, just add mana.

Distracted by the recovery of valued possessions, the party does not notice as Osbald slips out through the gates standing open in the courtyard. But Osbald runs slap into a monk with a bear, and is dragged kicking and screaming back into the courtyard. For an instant, the group of monks around the cart look suspiciously at the monk, bear and blue man at the gate, but then Markku recognizes Ludde and a touching reunion scene ensues. Osbald again seeks to leave and Maiyn seizes, binds and gags him and slings him into the cart.

The party now sets out to chase down Chokpa Rinpoche, whose path is up the broad river valley below to the Naval of the World. Chokpa is a cloud of dust in the distance. Pushing up the road the party meets a number of Tibetans celebrating the imminent end of the world. That night Åsker and Ludde celebrate too, and end up sleeping in the cart for most of the next day. Towards evening, as the Naval of the World – a tall snow covered mountain – starts to loom on the north side of the valley, Markku dispatches Åsker, still somewhat hung over, to spy on Chokpa using the flying drum. Åsker is successful at drawing fire and triggering a cavalry attack. Six heavily armed and armored riders attack the party, having turned off from Chokpa’s group close ahead.

As the riders charge forward they unlimber bows and send a shower of arrows at the party. Maiyn jumps behind Oma for cover and draws his bow. An arrow means for Maiyn catches Oma four-square and he topples into the cart in mid-chant.

After this small success, however, the battle does not go well for the bad guys. Although they score a few times with arrows while charging in, their big shot magic user spazzes on a couple of powerful spells. Enraged by his loss of face, he axes Markku to the ground. Markku is healed, and smashed again, his usual fate in battle, but does enough damage so that Håkon can finish off the leader.

Håkon meanwhile has engaged an axeman and given and taken mighty blows, emerging bloody but victorious in time to engage the leader as has been related.

Maiyn too has killed his man, and Ludde kills two before the last one flees. Åsker’s contribution is valiant, no doubt, and vital to group success, just less noted.

And there the party sits, some distance behind Chokpa Rinpoche as he seeks to end the world with a keg of Lutefisk.

The Second Installment

As the sun slowly sinks west of the caravanserai of Hotan on the south edge of the vast Taklamakan desert, the party bemusedly examines the old cloth map Markku has acquired from the lamas at the local dzong, now firmly closed up for the night.

Everyone suddenly realizes Håkon is missing. Where did he go?

Markku casts a spell to locate “the place of Håkon” and is pointed to a place far, far to the northwest. Like, Sweden. The party returns to town and checks the bar, where the barkeep informs them that he is out of booze thanks to their buddy. In confusion, the party returns to the cart and patient ox standing in the middle of town, discovering Håkon passed out in the back. Maiyn quickly “checks” Håkon’s pockets and finds no gold. It seems Håkon has despaired at the loss of the trade goods entrusted to him by his family, and blown the rest of the expedition budget drinking himself into a stupor.

The party now debates what to do. Markku slightly favors pursing the thieves, who were last seen as a cloud of dust disappearing to the south. Maiyn questions whether the party should even follow the goods. The question is resolved by divine intervention, as a thunderstorm, complete with lightning bolts, suddenly appears from the north, pushing the group south. So south it is.

Passing through rolling hills devoid of most vegetation, accompanied by the thunderous snores of Håkon, after several days the party starts to climb up a gully to what appears to be a pass or saddle. After a time there seems to be a rock right in the middle of the saddle. A few minutes later, it seems to be a bush. Finally it becomes clear that the saddle contains a monk in yellow robes sitting in lotus position with his back to the party.

Maiyn and Åsker quickly decide to let Markku make contact. Markku politely circles at a distance until he is in front of the monk, who turns out to be fully aware of the party’s approach. Indeed, he has been waiting for them. Håkon finally awakens from his bender. What a hangover!

Far below the far side of the pass a large battle – or a small skirmish, depending on the sort of war you are used to – is in progress on a flat area of the valley floor. Some 300 monks contend. Over what is not clear.

Interrogated, the monk in the pass reveals his name to be Oma. Oma has seen a raiding party pass through the saddle into the valley, only to be set upon by rivals. Some four factions contend below, over what Oma is not sure. He is, however, sure they are all heretics. Oma himself is a Gelugpa lama. He is a complete pacifist, and wears a yellow hat. He thinks the raiding party were Bön. He is not sure who the others were.

The battle reaches a climax with explosions and flying monks, and suddenly separates into four streams of monks leaving the battlefield. Each seems to be moving something at the front, while some of their monks form a rear guard. They each exit the valley by a different pass, generally heading southeast, south or southwest.

Nothing loathe, the party descends from the pass and loots the battlefield, collecting arrows, bolts and coins. Magic detection is cast, and remnants of magic use are detected, but no magic items. A broken hand drum is the most magical of the non-magic items found. Oma finds the scrabbling for coins amusing, remarking that the party has a fortune in plain sight and should have no need for gold.

Seeing the battle is over, the locals emerge from their hovels at the end of the valley and being looting the corpses scattered over their barley fields. Prodded by the party, Oma learns that each of the departing sects carried something. The blue-hatted Bön (about which there is confusion for some time, over whether their hats are blue or white, mostly caused by the GM) carried two short round things. Another group carried one short round thing. The third carried three long round things. The last, ah, the peasants could not see what the last carried, something small, apparently, but clearly something.

The party eventually decides to travel to the main monastery of the blue-hatted Bön, and sets off on a long trip across the vast Tibetan high plateau, covered in barley fields and scattered brush.

As they get closer to the apparent location of the Bön monastery (helpfully outlined in blue on Markku’s map), the party starts to be annoyed by nighttime visitors. Hearing someone messing with the wagon, Åsker calls “who’s there”, resulting in the visitor simply running away into the night. Åsker, Ludde and Maiyn chase the trail into the night, Ludde doing most of the work with his nose, and lose it. As they seek to return to camp, Markku decides to douse the fire. Maiyn lies in ambush while Åsker and Ludde return to camp.

After a time, Maiyn sees two figures approaching, but quickly recognizes Åsker and Ludde, who have walked in a circle. Markku finally rekindles the fire back at camp and the party is reunited.

The next night, Håkon is on guard when a thief succeeds in stealing some of the provisions.

The next night, it is Åsker’s turn on watch again. This time when he hears noises from the cart, he sneaks around the back and tackles the thief. A fight ensues, but Åsker holds firm and the thief is taken.

Interrogated by Oma, the thief is revealed to be an itinerant Bön monk who seeks to steal food for the mother monastery. As Oma explains with some contempt, the Bön, called the “eaters,” believe that the world will come to an end if they can present the all-devouring dragon who lives in the navel of the world at the Kang Rinpoche with a food it cannot eat. (Apparently the logical inconsistency of an all-devouring dragon being unable to eat something will cause a logic fault reboot of the world.)

Oma explains that this is quite silly, as the true end of the world will occur when the Great Mandala has turned the proper number of revolutions, as all good Gelugpa know, and no dragon is needed.

However, the Bön roam the world seeking new types of inedible food to present to the dragon in great yearly festivals, in the hopes that one day they will succeed in ending the world.

Searched, the thief is found to have a broken slate tablet with runes inscribed. Markku deciphers them to say:

Secret!

For Ivar Snorrison in Ch…

1 keg Akav..

2 keg Lut..

6 logs

1 shad…

Håkon recognizes Ivar as the uncle his shipment was intended for.

The party ties up the Bön monk, tosses him in the back of the cart, and continues south. The monk starts to chant. The chanting bothers Maiyn, who gags the monk. The monk now hums his chant. Maiyn knocks him unconscious. Through the day, whenever the monk regains consciousness, he starts to hum again, and is knocked out for his efforts. Finally, Håkon gets a bit overzealous and the monk is silenced forever. Maiyn disposes of the evidence by getting Ludde to eat the body. Oma approves, as this is similar to the local custom of sky burial. For a pacifist, Oma seems unmoved by the violence of the world around him.

The road now enters a valley and climbs along the valley side to a pass occupied by a fortress (dzong). In the morning the party hears the Tibetan horns from the fortress, and sees the blue prayer flags flapping in the dawn.

The party boldly marches up to the fortress in the pass. After some initial confusion, it turns out that the officer in charge speaks Common. When Markku (who’s Common is only somewhat better than his Tibetan) reveals that the party brings foreign food for the mother Dzong, the captain summons up an “escort” of six spearmen, who form up behind the party, slope arms, and “encourage” the party in the correct direction.

That evening, after a whispered conference, Maiyn slips into the shadows, sneaks up behind one of the two guards on watch, and inserts a shortsword neatly into the guard’s ribs. A short, vicious fight ensues. Åsker nails one with a crossbow bolt. Markku claims two in his uncouth Finnish sort of way. Håkon squishes one with his hammer. Ludde sits on the last one, crushing the breath out of him. The party is congratulating themselves when Markku inexplicable heals the one Ludde was sitting on, and does such a good job of it that the spearman leaps to his feet and runs away into the darkness. If not for Maiyn’s expertly hurled dagger, the gaff would have been most stridently blown.

The guards have no loot, alas. Their spears turn out to be made of bundled reeds. After some debate, the party decides Ludde can’t eat them all, and rolls them down the mountainside for the vultures to find.

The party is now eager to leave the scene of the crime, but the ox is not. A test of strength ensues between Håkon and the ox. Håkon generally wins, but is so busy dragging the ox that one cart wheel goes off the road, and the cart is nearly pitched to its doom. The party drags the cart back on to the road and camps for the night.

In the morning, the party sees that it is climbing to another pass, and another dzong. This dzong sees the vultures and doubles the guard. The party decides to bluff its way past. It enters the pass with Markku in front, Maiyn and Håkon in the next rank, the cart, with Oma sitting in lotus position and chanting, which he has been doing ever since Bön territory was entered, followed by Ludde and Åsker. Steep stone ridges rise from either side of the pass. The dzong sits on the left side, squeezing the roadway against the far wall of the pass. An officer and six spearmen have formed up at the far end of the dzong. The party marches up to the officer.

Markku: “We bring food for mother Dzong.”

Officer: “Where is your escort?”

Markku: “Food, for Dzong.”

Officer: “WHERE IS YOUR ESCORT?”

Markku: “Food from far away.”

Officer: Whacks Markku, and the fight is on.

Under a hail of bows and rocks from the troops lining the wall of the dzong, Åsker and Ludde have problems coming to grips with the spear line at the front. Ludde climbs over Oma while Åsker takes cover at the far side of the cart. Maiyn hides in the shadow of the fort wall. Markku is hewn down, healed up and hewn down yet again. Håkon is frozen in place by a Bön shaman, and poked with spears from a respectful distance. Ludde and Åsker both start to look like pincushions. Maiyn’s attempt to shadow jump to the ridge above the fort just barely fails. Sensing the absence of a foe, one of the shamans casts light on the pass, and Maiyn is revealed skulking against the fort wall.

Things were not looking good for the party. Just then, one of those strange pauses that happens in battle happens. A loooong strange pause. Almost as thought time itself was frozen for, say, a week.

Markku gets going

In the name of Perkunas, I go forth into to this barren land, with imbecile comrades. Perkunas sent them to me, or me to them, so who am I to question the Thunderer? Nevertheless, my idiot comrades cannot speak the Musical Tongue of Finland; they cannot read or write; they seem to be unaware of the Joy of Cloudberries. They are distracted by the miserable little flies of Asia. When I summoned a Cloud of Mosquitos to entertain everyone in the pub at Astrakhan, why, they seemed to be distressed!

Oh Perkunas!
Velut Lunatics!
Statue of Vegetables!
Simpering Cretins!
Eat their Croissants!
Bleep the depressed Habilis!

What a piece of work is Maiyn, how callow in reason, how infinite in duplicity, infirm and slovenly, how depressed and abominable! Inaction, how like a couch potato! An ape reprehensible, how unlike a god.

Now, the Bear, called Ludde, seems not to be as stupid as the rest. And our charming ox has crocheted me a very fine sweater while the rest were swatting mosquites.

The tea with yak milk was very nice.

The First Installment

Our story starts in Ivar’s tavern in Astrakhan, where Håkan the Dwarf seeks escorts for a voyage to Khitai. Håkan makes the mistake of starting with Maiyn, an evil looking elf with a surly personality. New to the job, Håkan’s usual approach does not go over well with Maiyn, who first issues the usual elven insults to Dwarves, then adds injury to insult by picking Håkan’s pocket to make a point (and grab some cash). Frustrated for a comeback, Håkan turns his attention to Markku, a Finnish wizard. Communication through a low pass filter results in an apparent commitment for Markku to travel along with Håkan.

For no apparent reason, Markku decides to cast Blur on Maiyn. Three copies of Maiyn appear. Confused, Maiyn hides in the shadows – and his copies disappear too. Suitably amazed, Håkan now talks to the only other person in the room, Åsker. (Håkan has recognized Åsker’s drinking buddy, Ludde-Bjorn, as a bear rather than a large hairy Viking.) Åsker bargains for money. Håkan claims poverty. Ludde-Bjorn persuades Åsker to go along with a not-very-subtle elbow in the ribs.

Feeling less confused, Maiyn re-emerges from the shadows. Markku buys him a beer. Markku tries to cast Blur to confuse Ivar about the cost of the beer, but fails. Maiyn eventually agrees to go along with Håkan for a full quiver of arrows and an armor upgrade.

At this point Åsker decides to try to steal some steaks from the bar for Ludde. Unfortunately, he does not fool Ivar the Barkeep for a second. Ivar grabs Åsker by the scruff of the neck. Maiyn thinks about stealing something in the confusion. Ivar backhands Maiyn across the room. Markku casts Cloud of Mosquitoes, and everyone starts to slap at them. Ivar uses Åsker to slap with. Ludde hears “steak” and comes to his feet roaring. Ivar calls for Sven the Bouncer, whose entrance makes the small bar a lot smaller. Sven starts to fight with Ludde. Håkan smashes a table to try to stop things from getting out of hand. Ivar has had enough fun, now his bar is getting damaged, so he tosses Åsker into the street and grabs Håkan, to shake out the cost of his table. Markku wisely leaves. Maiyn decides he probably won’t be able to steal anything and leaves. Ivar tosses Håkan into the street. Sven tosses Ludde on top of everybody, distributing bruises, and the door slams behind them.

The party adjourns to a nearby Fletcher, who, having heard the commotion at the bar, is only willing to deal with the party through his spyhole. Maiyn objects to pre-payment, however, assuming that the Fletcher will steal the money because, well, because that’s what Maiyn would do. So the party leaves low on ammo.

Returning to Ivar’s the party goes around to the stable at the back and finds a cart with an attached Ox. The cart contains a large bundle covered with a tarpaulin. The tarp is tied down with multiple ropes, well knotted. Each knot is seals with purple wax. Someone does not want people looking into the bundle. Åsker immediately tries to peek, but is foiled by the elaborate bindings.

Purchasing an arbitrary amount of Adventurer-Chow™ and camping gear, the party gets ready to go. Markku announces he will visit the shrine of Perkunas, a sacred hill some five miles north of town. He promises to return in three hours. Twelve hours later the party is tired of waiting for Markku and leaves without him.

Later that night Håkan is on watch when hears a noise in the darkness. Muttering is coming from that direction. Ludde wakes up roaring. Markku decides to enlighten the situation by casting Light. Unfortunately, he botches the spell. The entire camp is plunged into darkness, despite the well-tended campfire. Blundering about in the dark has potential, but Markku aborts the impending friendly fire incident by shouting out his name, and the party is reunited.

The party now travels east on the busy Silk Road, passing through Bokhara (where Maiyn discovers that it is hard to conceal a stolen rug), Samarkand, and Kashgar before emerging onto the plain of the vast Taklamakan desert. Here the Silk Road divides. Markku reads his runes and the party turns right.

With the desert on the left and foothills leading to mountains on the right, the party is nearing the caravanserai of Hotan when they are jumped by bandits from the hills. Interestingly, the bandit leader goes not for a party member but slashes at the tarp covering the load. He is assisted by Ludde-Bjorn. Riding in the cart, Ludde stands to swat at the bandit leader and slips on the load, falling backwards off the cart, ripping the tarp off further and landing on Maiyn, who has crawled mostly under the cart unsuccessfully seeking a shadow to hide in.

Meanwhile, Åsker has collected an arrow and traded swats with a rider. Markku has cast Cloud of Mosquitoes on a shaman and also traded swats with a rider, much to Markku’s disadvantage. Håkan nails a rider on the side of the head, knocking him off his horse. Two other riders are disabled in the confusion.

The drumming that heralded the attack now changes in tone, and the leader, bowmen and Shaman make for the hills. The party sees a figure in yellow or reddish robes at the top of the hill who appears to float away from them and disappear. The surviving bandits get away clear. The loose horses also follow their stablemates into the hill.

Maiyn emerges from under the cart and sets about industriously killing unconscious bandits and robbing their corpses. It’s not a big haul. Too bad no one thought to talk with them first.

The party gathers around the newly revealed cargo they have been employed to escort to Khitai. There are two casks marked with the rune Laguz, and one with the rune Ansuz. There are also six logs, each eight feet long, six inches in diameter, debarked, of the best Swedish pine. Confused by the absence of heaps of gold and jewels, the party trundles off to Hotan and adjourns to a bar, all except Markku, who elects to stand next to the cart and commune with Perkunas.

Markku is dragged out of his communing by a *pouf* sound. He opens his eyes to a brown world. It is so brown that he cannot see the cart, which was five feet from him. He hears the patter of many bare feet and scraping sounds, as of things being dragged. Laying about his with his staff, Markku makes contact with something that yelps, then takes off running after the foot-noises until he runs headlong into a building.

After a time, the brown color starts to fade. The outlines of buildings become visible. The party emerges from the bar to find an empty cart, a placid Ox, and a despondent Markku. Maiyn jumps to the logical conclusion (for Maiyn) that Markku has stolen the cart contents. The party is on the verge of going headlong after the brown cloud, receding into the mountains to the south. However, Thoden the barkeep persuades them to visit the Dzong, or fort, at the outskirts of town.

At the Dzong, the party finds two lamas sitting on the front porch. The forbid Maiyn, Åsker or Håkan from entry. Their demeanor is sufficiently intimidating that Maiyn, for example, does not force the issue. Markku arrives and is recognized as a fellow religious type by the lamas. Markku gets to sit on the porch, drink tea with yak butter, and make conversation. He discovers that the brown cloud is a Tibetan magic feat performed with tsampa, or barley flour. When he offers the monks a birch twig from his staff, the monks return the gift with a piece of cloth with a faded map.

As the sun sets, the monks roll up their mats and retreat into the Dzong, closing and barring the door, and marking the end of the first installment of Vikings in Tibet.

Update on characters:

John has agreed just now to play the role of Markku, a Finnish Wizard.

Zac will be playing the role of Asker, a human ranger with a pet bear named Ludde. (I wonder if Ludde-Bjorn might not be more appropriate.)

Andy has reluctantly retired Grimlok and will play the role of Maiyn, an Elven Shadow Dancer.

Laura appears to be keeping her powder dry.

See you all Sunday at 5:00.

Vikings in Tibet

Here is a place where we can document the creative and adventuresome gewandering of several hapless travellers who find themselves untimely ripped from the bosom of fairest Scandinavia and planted square into the utter reaches of Thibet --- or at least what fitful fever grips the brow of our fiendish GM.

This adventure is based upon the previous fevered musings of AKP and MGM at UTK, who have quite sensibly grown out of this by now. But we'll feel free to drag their names through the feeble remains of our efforts. And be grateful for their creative spark.